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Tarahi mushaira

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  • #31
    Re: Tarahi mushaira

    salam sis,

    Mey ney kabhi proper sha'iri to ki nahi magar ..... aik try :$ .... wo bhi akhri sheyr ki pehli line nahi mil rahi :(

    let me know my mistakes :$
    ------------------------------------------------------------

    roz dam toRti heiN khawahisheiN meyri
    sun ley Aey khuda ab to ah o zari meyri

    faqt aik hi shaks sey hein wabast rahi
    her pal ki yaadeiN o socheiN meyri

    kab sey muntazir hun apni kehney ko magar
    kab wo sunta hai kahani meyri

    ................................................
    ussi key liye hein du'aeiN sari meyri
    " Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off your goals "

    Comment


    • #32
      Re: Tarahi mushaira

      Originally posted by zapk7 View Post
      لیجے جناب ہماری کاوش بھی حاضر خدمت ہے:rose
      Almas jee
      mushaire meN aap ki ghazal ab tak behtareen hai
      maiN apni bisaat ke mutabiq is per tabsara karti huuN


      1. khol mat yaadieN puraani meri
      na bikhar jaaye baani meri

      pooch mat yaadieN puraani meri
      saath deti nahiN baani meri


      jaal sapnoN ke kab tak toRoN (wazn se khaarij hai)
      taak meN hai jo jawani meri

      kab talak jaal meN sapnoN ke rahoN
      jis ko bunti hai jawani meri

      us ko fursat hi nahiN jag se
      "kab vo sunta hai kahani meri"

      buhat acchii girah hai daad!

      Taaq meN rakh ke jisse bhool gaye
      thii vohi aik nishaani meri

      khoob

      lab to khamosh rahe akcar hi
      ashk bante heN sunaani meri

      lab to khamosh hi rehte heN mirre
      ashk kehte heN kahani meri


      us ne logoN ki sunni hai Zehra
      kaash sunta vo zabaani meri

      us ne logoN se sunni hai Zehra
      kaash sunta vo zabani meri


      umeed hai meri kissi baat ka bura nahiN maanieN gi
      regards
      zarqa

      Last edited by zmufti; 28 September 2007, 08:51.

      Comment


      • #33
        Re: Tarahi mushaira

        Originally posted by A.h.khan View Post
        Who Teri Ketab Main Rakhi Nisahni Meri,,,,
        Kab Tak Rakhe Gi Who Nishani Porani Meri,,,,

        yaad kar baatieN puraani meri
        thii tirre paas nishaani meri



        Tere Hijer Ke Sabhi Pahlo Main Guzri Jawani Meri,,,,
        To Na Samjhe Ye Alag Bat Hae Mohabat Meri,,,,

        tu na samjhi kabhi meri chahat
        hijr meN beeti jawani meri


        Tere Koche Ke Dar O Bam Sunate Honge Khani Meri,,,
        Zindagi Bar Bar Poche Hae Khna Guzari Hae Jawani Meri,,,

        umr beeti mirri tere dar pe
        yaad sab ko hai kahani meri


        Kese Khe Don Ke Raahe Mohabat Main Us Ko Talab Na Thi Meri,,,,
        Warna Pahron Dariche Par Khari Na Takti Sorat Meri,,,,

        raah takti thii vo pehroN mera
        ho chukki thii vo diwaani meri



        Ab Us Ko Jarorat Nahi Hae Meri,,,
        Magar Rahe Gi Du Us Ke Sath HAMESA Meri,,

        vo mujhe yaad rakhe gi kab tak
        bhool jaaye gi kahani meri



        Main Koi Sahir Nahi Hon Magar Kuch Ulta Sidha Likhne Ki Koshis Ki Hae Agar Koi Galti Ho To Nishandahi Karwa Dijye Ga...ap Logo N Ki Dua Ka Talbgar







        A.h.khan
        maiN ne aap ke sabhi ashaar bahar meN kar diyye heN
        aap ko chahiye issi forum per "shayeri seekhiye" ke unwaan ke tehat mazameen ka mutala kijye
        regards
        zmufti

        Comment


        • #34
          Re: Tarahi mushaira

          Originally posted by zmufti View Post
          Mujahid saheb
          Mushaire meN sab se pehli ghazal aap ki hai so issi se shuru karti huuN
          aap ne ghazal ko aaj hi edit kiyya hai shayad kissi se islaah karwaaii hai
          ab aap ke tamaam ashaar bahar meN heN
          Mushaire meN ghazal pesh karne ki aakhri taareekh 20 sep thii jis ke guzar jaane ke baad aap ko ghazal edit nahiN karna chahiye thii

          regards
          zmufti
          asal may main nay ghazal jahan say down load ki thi woh baghair login huey down load hui thi so expire ho gai thih lihaaza uss ko dobara say down load kar keh lagai thih jahan tak islaah ka taalluq hai tho woh main nay kisi say nahi li,main nay khud iss ki bahar banai hai,haan jo links aap nay diyee thhey wahan say he seekhha hai,any way aap ka bohot bohot shukriathmbup:

          Comment


          • #35
            Re: Tarahi mushaira

            Originally posted by Mujahid Khan View Post
            asal may main nay ghazal jahan say down load ki thi woh baghair login huey down load hui thi so expire ho gai thih lihaaza uss ko dobara say down load kar keh lagai thih jahan tak islaah ka taalluq hai tho woh main nay kisi say nahi li,main nay khud iss ki bahar banai hai,haan jo links aap nay diyee thhey wahan say he seekhha hai,any way aap ka bohot bohot shukriathmbup:
            mujahid saheb
            ghazal likh kar foran hi post nahiN karni chahiye
            aik-do din is par mazeed ghaur kar lena chahiye
            aap ko mashwara is liye de rahi huuN keh samajhti huuN aap meN salahiat hai aur seekhne ki lagan bhee
            ghalati sab se hoti hai maiN ne bhee apni ghalatioN se hi seekha hai aur ab bhee kayyi baar ghalati ho jaati hai

            aap ki ghazal ki puraani version maiN ne tabsare ke liye save ki thii
            Attached Files
            Last edited by zmufti; 28 September 2007, 16:16.

            Comment


            • #36
              Re: Tarahi mushaira

              Originally posted by zmufti View Post
              Almas jee
              mushaire meN aap ki ghazal ab tak behtareen hai
              maiN apni bisaat ke mutabiq is per tabsara karti huuN


              1. khol mat yaadieN puraani meri
              na bikhar jaaye baani meri

              pooch mat yaadieN puraani meri
              saath deti nahiN baani meri

              jaal sapnoN ke kab tak toRoN (wazn se khaarij hai)
              taak meN hai jo jawani meri

              kab talak jaal meN sapnoN ke rahoN
              jis ko bunti hai jawani meri

              us ko fursat hi nahiN jag se
              "kab vo sunta hai kahani meri"

              buhat acchii girah hai daad!

              Taaq meN rakh ke jisse bhool gaye
              thii vohi aik nishaani meri

              khoob

              lab to khamosh rahe akcar hi
              ashk bante heN sunaani meri

              lab to khamosh hi rehte heN mirre
              ashk kehte heN kahani meri

              us ne logoN ki sunni hai Zehra
              kaash sunta vo zabaani meri

              us ne logoN se sunni hai Zehra
              kaash sunta vo zabani meri


              umeed hai meri kissi baat ka bura nahiN maanieN gi
              regards
              zarqa
              Bohat shukriya dear.Mujhay infact aaj tak islaah nahin mili,ya mein ne aaj tak iski himmat nahin ki.Umeed hai ab seekhnay ka mouqa milay ga.:rose
              Mind Sciences

              Comment


              • #37
                Re: Tarahi mushaira

                Originally posted by Xenya View Post
                salam sis,

                Mey ney kabhi proper sha'iri to ki nahi magar ..... aik try :$ .... wo bhi akhri sheyr ki pehli line nahi mil rahi :(

                let me know my mistakes :$
                ------------------------------------------------------------

                roz dam toRti heiN khawahisheiN meyri
                sun ley Aey khuda ab to ah o zari meyri

                faqt aik hi shaks sey hein wabast rahi
                her pal ki yaadeiN o socheiN meyri

                kab sey muntazir hun apni kehney ko magar
                kab wo sunta hai kahani meyri

                ................................................
                ussi key liye hein du'aeiN sari meyri

                Xenya jee
                mushaire meN shirkat ke liye aap ka shukria
                aap ne koshish to ki yeh buhat achchii baat hai
                laikin mujhe lagta hai aap ne "shayeri seekhiye" ke unwaan ke tehat mazameen ka mutalea nahiN kiyya

                aap ko jis misra ki tarah meN ghazal kehni thii vo kuch youN hai


                kab vo sunta hai kahani meri

                is misre meN "meri" radeef hai yaani har sher ke doosre misre ke aakhir meN yahi lafz istemaal hoga

                is misre meN "kahani" qaafia hai
                har sher ke doosre misre meN radeef se pehlay "kahani" ke ham qaafia ilfaaz istemaal hoN ge (yaani rhyming words)

                kahani ke ham qafia ilfaaz

                nishaani
                jawani
                rawani
                garaani
                zabani
                etc

                aik hi shakhs se wabasta hai
                yaad har aik puraani meri

                khawahisheN roz yahaN marti heN
                maut kab tak nahiN aani meri

                aap ke do ashaar tarah meN kar diyye heN
                in ko agar arkaan meN baantiye

                aik hi shakh/s se wabas/ta hai
                yaad har ai/k puraani /meri

                khawahisheN ro/z yahaN mar/ti heN
                maut kab tak /nahiN aani /meri

                khush rahiye
                zmufti




                Comment


                • #38
                  Re: Tarahi mushaira

                  Originally posted by zmufti View Post
                  Xenya jee
                  mushaire meN shirkat ke liye aap ka shukria
                  aap ne koshish to ki yeh buhat achchii baat hai
                  laikin mujhe lagta hai aap ne "shayeri seekhiye" ke unwaan ke tehat mazameen ka mutalea nahiN kiyya

                  aap ko jis misra ki tarah meN ghazal kehni thii vo kuch youN hai


                  kab vo sunta hai kahani meri

                  is misre meN "meri" radeef hai yaani har sher ke doosre misre ke aakhir meN yahi lafz istemaal hoga

                  is misre meN "kahani" qaafia hai
                  har sher ke doosre misre meN radeef se pehlay "kahani" ke ham qaafia ilfaaz istemaal hoN ge (yaani rhyming words)

                  kahani ke ham qafia ilfaaz

                  nishaani
                  jawani
                  rawani
                  garaani
                  zabani
                  etc

                  aik hi shakhs se wabasta hai
                  yaad har aik puraani meri

                  khawahisheN roz yahaN marti heN
                  maut kab tak nahiN aani meri

                  aap ke do ashaar tarah meN kar diyye heN
                  in ko agar arkaan meN baantiye

                  aik hi shakh/s se wabas/ta hai
                  yaad har ai/k puraani /meri

                  khawahisheN ro/z yahaN mar/ti heN
                  maut kab tak /nahiN aani /meri

                  khush rahiye
                  zmufti
                  " Obstacles are what you see when you take your eyes off your goals "

                  Comment

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