Tarahi mushaira

[Z.]

Re: Tarahi mushaira

salam sis,

Mey ney kabhi proper sha'iri to ki nahi magar ..... aik try :$ .... wo bhi akhri sheyr ki pehli line nahi mil rahi :(

let me know my mistakes :$
------------------------------------------------------------

roz dam toRti heiN khawahisheiN meyri
sun ley Aey khuda ab to ah o zari meyri

faqt aik hi shaks sey hein wabast rahi
her pal ki yaadeiN o socheiN meyri

kab sey muntazir hun apni kehney ko magar
kab wo sunta hai kahani meyri

................................................
ussi key liye hein du'aeiN sari meyri

[zmufti]

Re: Tarahi mushaira

لیجے جناب ہماری کاوش بھی حاضر خدمت ہے:rose

Almas jee
mushaire meN aap ki ghazal ab tak behtareen hai
maiN apni bisaat ke mutabiq is per tabsara karti huuN


1. khol mat yaadieN puraani meri
na bikhar jaaye baani meri

pooch mat yaadieN puraani meri
saath deti nahiN baani meri

jaal sapnoN ke kab tak toRoN (wazn se khaarij hai)
taak meN hai jo jawani meri

kab talak jaal meN sapnoN ke rahoN
jis ko bunti hai jawani meri

us ko fursat hi nahiN jag se
"kab vo sunta hai kahani meri"

buhat acchii girah hai daad!

Taaq meN rakh ke jisse bhool gaye
thii vohi aik nishaani meri

khoob

lab to khamosh rahe akcar hi
ashk bante heN sunaani meri

lab to khamosh hi rehte heN mirre
ashk kehte heN kahani meri

us ne logoN ki sunni hai Zehra
kaash sunta vo zabaani meri

us ne logoN se sunni hai Zehra
kaash sunta vo zabani meri


umeed hai meri kissi baat ka bura nahiN maanieN gi
regards
zarqa

[zmufti]

Re: Tarahi mushaira

Who Teri Ketab Main Rakhi Nisahni Meri,,,,
Kab Tak Rakhe Gi Who Nishani Porani Meri,,,,

yaad kar baatieN puraani meri
thii tirre paas nishaani meri


Tere Hijer Ke Sabhi Pahlo Main Guzri Jawani Meri,,,,
To Na Samjhe Ye Alag Bat Hae Mohabat Meri,,,,

tu na samjhi kabhi meri chahat
hijr meN beeti jawani meri

Tere Koche Ke Dar O Bam Sunate Honge Khani Meri,,,
Zindagi Bar Bar Poche Hae Khna Guzari Hae Jawani Meri,,,

umr beeti mirri tere dar pe
yaad sab ko hai kahani meri

Kese Khe Don Ke Raahe Mohabat Main Us Ko Talab Na Thi Meri,,,,
Warna Pahron Dariche Par Khari Na Takti Sorat Meri,,,,

raah takti thii vo pehroN mera
ho chukki thii vo diwaani meri



Ab Us Ko Jarorat Nahi Hae Meri,,,
Magar Rahe Gi Du Us Ke Sath HAMESA Meri,,

vo mujhe yaad rakhe gi kab tak
bhool jaaye gi kahani meri


Main Koi Sahir Nahi Hon Magar Kuch Ulta Sidha Likhne Ki Koshis Ki Hae Agar Koi Galti Ho To Nishandahi Karwa Dijye Ga...ap Logo N Ki Dua Ka Talbgar







A.h.khan

maiN ne aap ke sabhi ashaar bahar meN kar diyye heN
aap ko chahiye issi forum per "shayeri seekhiye" ke unwaan ke tehat mazameen ka mutala kijye
regards
zmufti

[Mujahid Khan]

Re: Tarahi mushaira

Mujahid saheb
Mushaire meN sab se pehli ghazal aap ki hai so issi se shuru karti huuN
aap ne ghazal ko aaj hi edit kiyya hai shayad kissi se islaah karwaaii hai
ab aap ke tamaam ashaar bahar meN heN
Mushaire meN ghazal pesh karne ki aakhri taareekh 20 sep thii jis ke guzar jaane ke baad aap ko ghazal edit nahiN karna chahiye thii

regards
zmufti

asal may main nay ghazal jahan say down load ki thi woh baghair login huey down load hui thi so expire ho gai thih lihaaza uss ko dobara say down load kar keh lagai thih jahan tak islaah ka taalluq hai tho woh main nay kisi say nahi li,main nay khud iss ki bahar banai hai,haan jo links aap nay diyee thhey wahan say he seekhha hai,any way aap ka bohot bohot shukriathmbup:

[zmufti]

Re: Tarahi mushaira

asal may main nay ghazal jahan say down load ki thi woh baghair login huey down load hui thi so expire ho gai thih lihaaza uss ko dobara say down load kar keh lagai thih jahan tak islaah ka taalluq hai tho woh main nay kisi say nahi li,main nay khud iss ki bahar banai hai,haan jo links aap nay diyee thhey wahan say he seekhha hai,any way aap ka bohot bohot shukriathmbup:

mujahid saheb
ghazal likh kar foran hi post nahiN karni chahiye
aik-do din is par mazeed ghaur kar lena chahiye
aap ko mashwara is liye de rahi huuN keh samajhti huuN aap meN salahiat hai aur seekhne ki lagan bhee
ghalati sab se hoti hai maiN ne bhee apni ghalatioN se hi seekha hai aur ab bhee kayyi baar ghalati ho jaati hai

aap ki ghazal ki puraani version maiN ne tabsare ke liye save ki thii

[zapk]

Re: Tarahi mushaira

Almas jee
mushaire meN aap ki ghazal ab tak behtareen hai
maiN apni bisaat ke mutabiq is per tabsara karti huuN


1. khol mat yaadieN puraani meri
na bikhar jaaye baani meri

pooch mat yaadieN puraani meri
saath deti nahiN baani meri

jaal sapnoN ke kab tak toRoN (wazn se khaarij hai)
taak meN hai jo jawani meri

kab talak jaal meN sapnoN ke rahoN
jis ko bunti hai jawani meri

us ko fursat hi nahiN jag se
"kab vo sunta hai kahani meri"

buhat acchii girah hai daad!

Taaq meN rakh ke jisse bhool gaye
thii vohi aik nishaani meri

khoob

lab to khamosh rahe akcar hi
ashk bante heN sunaani meri

lab to khamosh hi rehte heN mirre
ashk kehte heN kahani meri

us ne logoN ki sunni hai Zehra
kaash sunta vo zabaani meri

us ne logoN se sunni hai Zehra
kaash sunta vo zabani meri


umeed hai meri kissi baat ka bura nahiN maanieN gi
regards
zarqa

Bohat shukriya dear.Mujhay infact aaj tak islaah nahin mili,ya mein ne aaj tak iski himmat nahin ki.Umeed hai ab seekhnay ka mouqa milay ga.:rose

[zmufti]

Re: Tarahi mushaira

salam sis,

Mey ney kabhi proper sha'iri to ki nahi magar ..... aik try :$ .... wo bhi akhri sheyr ki pehli line nahi mil rahi :(

let me know my mistakes :$
------------------------------------------------------------

roz dam toRti heiN khawahisheiN meyri
sun ley Aey khuda ab to ah o zari meyri

faqt aik hi shaks sey hein wabast rahi
her pal ki yaadeiN o socheiN meyri

kab sey muntazir hun apni kehney ko magar
kab wo sunta hai kahani meyri

................................................
ussi key liye hein du'aeiN sari meyri

Xenya jee
mushaire meN shirkat ke liye aap ka shukria
aap ne koshish to ki yeh buhat achchii baat hai
laikin mujhe lagta hai aap ne "shayeri seekhiye" ke unwaan ke tehat mazameen ka mutalea nahiN kiyya

aap ko jis misra ki tarah meN ghazal kehni thii vo kuch youN hai


kab vo sunta hai kahani meri

is misre meN "meri" radeef hai yaani har sher ke doosre misre ke aakhir meN yahi lafz istemaal hoga

is misre meN "kahani" qaafia hai
har sher ke doosre misre meN radeef se pehlay "kahani" ke ham qaafia ilfaaz istemaal hoN ge (yaani rhyming words)

kahani ke ham qafia ilfaaz

nishaani
jawani
rawani
garaani
zabani
etc

aik hi shakhs se wabasta hai
yaad har aik puraani meri

khawahisheN roz yahaN marti heN
maut kab tak nahiN aani meri

aap ke do ashaar tarah meN kar diyye heN
in ko agar arkaan meN baantiye

aik hi shakh/s se wabas/ta hai
yaad har ai/k puraani /meri

khawahisheN ro/z yahaN mar/ti heN
maut kab tak /nahiN aani /meri

khush rahiye
zmufti

[Z.]

Re: Tarahi mushaira

Xenya jee
mushaire meN shirkat ke liye aap ka shukria
aap ne koshish to ki yeh buhat achchii baat hai
laikin mujhe lagta hai aap ne "shayeri seekhiye" ke unwaan ke tehat mazameen ka mutalea nahiN kiyya

aap ko jis misra ki tarah meN ghazal kehni thii vo kuch youN hai


kab vo sunta hai kahani meri

is misre meN "meri" radeef hai yaani har sher ke doosre misre ke aakhir meN yahi lafz istemaal hoga

is misre meN "kahani" qaafia hai
har sher ke doosre misre meN radeef se pehlay "kahani" ke ham qaafia ilfaaz istemaal hoN ge (yaani rhyming words)

kahani ke ham qafia ilfaaz

nishaani
jawani
rawani
garaani
zabani
etc

aik hi shakhs se wabasta hai
yaad har aik puraani meri

khawahisheN roz yahaN marti heN
maut kab tak nahiN aani meri

aap ke do ashaar tarah meN kar diyye heN
in ko agar arkaan meN baantiye

aik hi shakh/s se wabas/ta hai
yaad har ai/k puraani /meri

khawahisheN ro/z yahaN mar/ti heN
maut kab tak /nahiN aani /meri

khush rahiye
zmufti