Waqt ki aankh se dekho to yeh bahut puraanii lagti hai

[Brijinder]

Waqt ki aankh se dekho to yeh bahut puraanii lagti hai
Teray meray ishq ki baat ab faqt kahani lagti hai

Ban ke lahu takh/leeq mirii kii ragh ragh men woh behti hai
Larki jo naadaan kabhii ,kabhii bahut siyaanii lagti ha

Eik ahad par maiN ne guzaarii tanha apnii umr tamaam
Aaj koyii soche to shaayad bahut hairaanii lagti hai

Kehnay ko gar na ho kuch to daal do paychedgi kay khum
Jo baat samajh na aayay yahaaN woh baat ruhaani lagti hai

Us se baRh kar bhi haseen hoNgay "sagar" magar
Achi itni phir kyuN mujhko woh mar jaani lagti hai
--------------------

[A.h.khan]

Re: Waqt ki aankh se dekho to yeh bahut puraanii lagti hai

acha likha hae magar kahin kahin kuch kami si lagi

hijer ke sabhi pahlo,ranjison ke sare dukh.;;;
ketne ache lagte hain chaton ke sare dukh;;;;;

[Brijinder]

Re: Waqt ki aankh se dekho to yeh bahut puraanii lagti hai

I shall be grateful if you are more precise n tell me what is the "kami" so that I can correct it or can try it.

[Gul]

Re: Waqt ki aankh se dekho to yeh bahut puraanii lagti hai

Waqt ki aankh se dekho to yeh bahut puraanii lagti hai
Teray meray ishq ki baat ab faqt kahani lagti hai

Ban ke lahu takh/leeq mirii kii ragh ragh men woh behti hai
Larki jo naadaan kabhii ,kabhii bahut siyaanii lagti ha

Eik ahad par maiN ne guzaarii tanha apnii umr tamaam
Aaj koyii soche to shaayad bahut hairaanii lagti hai

Kehnay ko gar na ho kuch to daal do paychedgi kay khum
Jo baat samajh na aayay yahaaN woh baat ruhaani lagti hai

Us se baRh kar bhi haseen hoNgay "sagar" magar
Achi itni phir kyuN mujhko woh mar jaani lagti hai
--------------------

Waqt Ki aankh se deykho tu yeh baat Puraani lagti hai
Teray meray Piyar ki baatein ab aik kahani lagti hai

Meray Dil ki ragh ragh mein wo lahoo ban k behti hai
Larki Jo Nadaan kabhi aur kabhi Siyaani lagti hai

Ehad-e wafa per mein nay guzara jeewan apna tanha tumaamm
Hairan Diloun ko shayd yeh soach deewanai lagti hai

kehnay Ko gar kuch na paaO daal do baat mein paich O Khum
jo baat yAAN samjh na aa-ay wo sab ko Rohaani lagti hai

Oss se bhar kar houn gay bey shak Duniya mein haseen hazar
*Sagar* laikin mujh ko sab seBhar kar apni Raani lagti hai


Aap ki poetry ko kuch sahi karnay ki Koshish ki hai
omeed hai k Bura nahai manaein gay
go k mein khud b kuch nahi magar mujhay laga k yeh shayd iss tarah aap k Khoobsoorat Ehsassat Ko Numayan kar k paish karay ....Na cheez

GUL(Huma)

[Brijinder]

Re: Waqt ki aankh se dekho to yeh bahut puraanii lagti hai

Gul saheba,Thanks a lot for trying to give better shape to this ghazal.The outcome is really good but I think something more could be done to:
kehnay Ko gar kuch na paaO daal do baat mein paich O Khum
jo baat yAAN samjh na aa-ay wo sab ko Rohaani lagti hai

Oss se bhar kar houn gay bey shak Duniya mein haseen hazar
*Sagar* laikin mujh ko sab seBhar kar apni Raani lagti hai

In the last she'r I wanted to keep the word "marjaani" in any case as it is the reason for the whole ghazal.Can u do something about that?
Thanks once again
Regards
brijinder

[wajid hanif]

Re: Waqt ki aankh se dekho to yeh bahut puraanii lagti hai

ache hai

[Brijinder]

Re: Waqt ki aankh se dekho to yeh bahut puraanii lagti hai

thanx a lot

[N o o R]

Re: Waqt ki aankh se dekho to yeh bahut puraanii lagti hai

hmmm

[Brijinder]

Re: Waqt ki aankh se dekho to yeh bahut puraanii lagti hai

Thanks a lot for the kind words of appreciation.
regards
brijinder"Sagar"