~~~~shayad ....^^!

[Capt.Abdur Rehman]

Re: ~~~~shayad ....^^!

nice sharing:rose
app to waqye shayer bn gay hain:)
keep it up
b happy:rose

bus jee yay sab kissi ki mehrbaaniyaan hain..!
sharing pasand kernay ka buhatb shukria..!:rose

[Capt.Abdur Rehman]

Re: ~~~~shayad ....^^!

good one Ali, keep writing

sharing pasand kernay ka buhat buhat shukriya..:rose

[zmufti]

Re: ~~~~shayad ....^^!

Sher Ali saheb
sab se pehlay to aik achchi koshish par meri taraf se daad qabool kijye
agar aap baqaaida shayeri ke ramooz seekhnay meN dilchaspi rakhte hoN to yeh thread zaroor dekhiye
http://www.pegham.com/showthread.php?t=27747

ab aap ki post ki taraf aate heN
maiN yeh assume kar rahi hooN keh aap ne ghazal kehne ki koshish ki hai

maiN is ke do sher aik bahr meN aap ko likh kar deti hooN agar aap munacib smjhieN to baaqi ashaar ko durust kar lijye ga

mujhe apne ghamoN se aashnaa kar de
tirre dukh ka madawa kar sakoN shayed

maiN teri zaat ki sab kirchiyaaN chun kar
tujhe phir se mukamal kar sakoN shayed

regards
zmufti

[Mujahid Khan]

Re: ~~~~shayad ....^^!

sub say pehlay tho main muafi chaahunga keh aap k khiyaalaat k tasalsul ko main nay aik alag tarteeb di hai,woh bhi shaayad iss liyee k zarqa saahiba nay tasheeh ki aik koshish ki tho main nay socha keh main bhi aik koshish kar k daikhh loon so aap ki ghazal ki tasheeh ki aik chhoti si koshish paish hai,

[Capt.Abdur Rehman]

Re: ~~~~shayad ....^^!

Sher Ali saheb
sab se pehlay to aik achchi koshish par meri taraf se daad qabool kijye
agar aap baqaaida shayeri ke ramooz seekhnay meN dilchaspi rakhte hoN to yeh thread zaroor dekhiye
http://www.pegham.com/showthread.php?t=27747

ab aap ki post ki taraf aate heN
maiN yeh assume kar rahi hooN keh aap ne ghazal kehne ki koshish ki hai

maiN is ke do sher aik bahr meN aap ko likh kar deti hooN agar aap munacib smjhieN to baaqi ashaar ko durust kar lijye ga

mujhe apne ghamoN se aashnaa kar de
tirre dukh ka madawa kar sakoN shayed

maiN teri zaat ki sab kirchiyaaN chun kar
tujhe phir se mukamal kar sakoN shayed

regards
zmufti

Zarqa sister aap ki islah ka main buhat mashkoor hoon..!:rose
main aap ki islah kay nuktay ko saamnay rakh ker iss ko review kerta hoon..!
again thanx very much for ur so nice comments:rose

[Capt.Abdur Rehman]

Re: ~~~~shayad ....^^!

sub say pehlay tho main muafi chaahunga keh aap k khiyaalaat k tasalsul ko main nay aik alag tarteeb di hai,woh bhi shaayad iss liyee k zarqa saahiba nay tasheeh ki aik koshish ki tho main nay socha keh main bhi aik koshish kar k daikhh loon so aap ki ghazal ki tasheeh ki aik chhoti si koshish paish hai,

Mujahid brother aap ki tas'hih ka buhat buhat shukriya...!:rose
mujay pasand bhi aai hai ..but aik baat poochni thi..kay..."tum say tujay maangtay hai" kia yay takniki tor say durust hai..!
plzz guide me..!

[zmufti]

Re: ~~~~shayad ....^^!

Sher Ali saheb/ Mujahid saheb

ghazal kehne meN ujlat se kaam se nahiN lena chahiye
ghazal kehne ke baad 2-3 baar is par ghaur kar laina chahiye

Mujhahid saheb
maiN ne jo sher tajweez kiyye the in ki taqtee dekhiye

mufaeelun/mufaeelun/mufaeelun

mujhe apne/ ghamoN se aa/shnaa kar de
tirre dukh ka/ madawa kar/ sakoN shayed

maiN teri zaa/t ki sab kir/chiyaaN chun kar
tujhe phir se/ mukamal kar/ sakoN shayed


aap ne jo ashaar post kiyye heN un meN grammer ki ghalatioN ke saath saath bahr ki pabandi bhee nahiN hai beshtar misre wazn se khaarij heN
umeed hai meri baat aap donoN sahebaan par garaaN nahiN guzre gi
regards
zmufti

[Mujahid Khan]

Re: ~~~~shayad ....^^!

hmm:D

[WASI ANJUM]

Re: ~~~~shayad ....^^!

bahoot khoob janab
achhi koshish hai keep it up

[Gul]

Re: ~~~~shayad ....^^!

uss kay nam jo dil kay buhat kareeb ho chukka ha..!:blush:

meinnay aap ki poetry pehli baar parhi ....
likah tu khoob magar Poetic grammar ki mistake hai
first sher mein b kuch aisa kijay k Sakoon hee ka word aa-ay :)
baqi allah karay isss * MEIN * Ki dua poori ho ja-ay :)
Likhtay rahiyay :)

[Gul]

Re: ~~~~shayad ....^^!

array yehan already kafi chaan phatak ho chuki hai ....aap ki poetry ki
Mera khiyal hai istelaah mein tu grammar ki koi ghalati nahi magar ..
Jo aap kehna chahtay thay oss ki rooh kuch spoil ho gai hai ..
Jo sha-er kehna chahta hai jiss tarah saochta hai wesay he likhay tu bas nook palak hee sanwarna chahiaya islaah karnay waloun ko ..:)
anyway KEEP ON SHARING ..:)