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Are You Ready For Marriage?
Is getting married right for you?
What do you need to know about your partner?
If you're thinking of getting married, it's time to ask yourself some questions. If you are already married, your answers to these questions can help you, too!
Ask yourself these five questions:
1. Why Are You Getting Married?
Be honest and evaluate the reasons.
Sit down and write a pro/con list about your partner and your relationship.
Don't get married to escape something. You want to move toward something positive.
If you have to talk yourself into getting married, don't do it! You are not ready as yet. You may get there at some point, but not now.
[note: so our Niyah must be clean, why we are getting married.]
2. Do You Know and Trust Your Partner's Personal History?
The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
How has your partner behaved in past relationships?
How does he/she behave with you?
How well do you know your partner?
[Note: ask peoples who close to him/her about his/her Deen, Personality and how he/she treat his/her family members]
3. Did You Plan Your Marriage Instead of Just Your Wedding?
With your partner, develop an "emotional prenuptial agreement" that outlines how you'll handle children, money, trust issues, and division of labor.
Make sure you are putting the same amount of time and effort in being realistic about what marriage entails and not just planning your wedding day.
[note: aha... i always forget this things. but simple wedding is beautiful. invite neighbours,family and friends... no music in wedding... and between males and females must be separated. well i wish my wedding also like that.]
4. Do You Stand to Lose More than You Gain?
Look at the cost of your relationship.
If you have to give up your friends, career, or family, the cost is too high.
Look at the ability to compromise and accommodate each other.
[note: someone said that u will never realize the importance of family until u didnt see them everyday. yes the cost to high... but i always remember a hadith, if we are meet for the sake of Allaah and should leave for the sake of ALlaah... we will be among the 7 groups that will shahed by Allaah in the day of qiyamah.]
5. Have You Identified and Communicated Your Needs and Expectations?
Know yourself. You cannot determine if somebody is good for you if you don't know your own needs and expectations.
Express your needs and expectations now, not after getting married.
How well do you and your partner communicate?
Do you have a similar value system?
You should also be familiar with what you and your partner learned about marriage from your parents. If he saw his mother doing all the work and dad sitting on his behind... chances are that IS what he will do. If you saw your parents arguing frequently, chances are that is what you will re-create... that is the communication style you learned. If you saw a loving/giving relationship that is what you will create. If you saw anger and abuse, that is what you will create.
[note: aww... really??]
What do you need to know about your partner?
If you're thinking of getting married, it's time to ask yourself some questions. If you are already married, your answers to these questions can help you, too!
Ask yourself these five questions:
1. Why Are You Getting Married?
Be honest and evaluate the reasons.
Sit down and write a pro/con list about your partner and your relationship.
Don't get married to escape something. You want to move toward something positive.
If you have to talk yourself into getting married, don't do it! You are not ready as yet. You may get there at some point, but not now.
[note: so our Niyah must be clean, why we are getting married.]
2. Do You Know and Trust Your Partner's Personal History?
The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
How has your partner behaved in past relationships?
How does he/she behave with you?
How well do you know your partner?
[Note: ask peoples who close to him/her about his/her Deen, Personality and how he/she treat his/her family members]
3. Did You Plan Your Marriage Instead of Just Your Wedding?
With your partner, develop an "emotional prenuptial agreement" that outlines how you'll handle children, money, trust issues, and division of labor.
Make sure you are putting the same amount of time and effort in being realistic about what marriage entails and not just planning your wedding day.
[note: aha... i always forget this things. but simple wedding is beautiful. invite neighbours,family and friends... no music in wedding... and between males and females must be separated. well i wish my wedding also like that.]
4. Do You Stand to Lose More than You Gain?
Look at the cost of your relationship.
If you have to give up your friends, career, or family, the cost is too high.
Look at the ability to compromise and accommodate each other.
[note: someone said that u will never realize the importance of family until u didnt see them everyday. yes the cost to high... but i always remember a hadith, if we are meet for the sake of Allaah and should leave for the sake of ALlaah... we will be among the 7 groups that will shahed by Allaah in the day of qiyamah.]
5. Have You Identified and Communicated Your Needs and Expectations?
Know yourself. You cannot determine if somebody is good for you if you don't know your own needs and expectations.
Express your needs and expectations now, not after getting married.
How well do you and your partner communicate?
Do you have a similar value system?
You should also be familiar with what you and your partner learned about marriage from your parents. If he saw his mother doing all the work and dad sitting on his behind... chances are that IS what he will do. If you saw your parents arguing frequently, chances are that is what you will re-create... that is the communication style you learned. If you saw a loving/giving relationship that is what you will create. If you saw anger and abuse, that is what you will create.
[note: aww... really??]
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