Shadi Tipz & Guidez ................................

[*Hala*]

9 Tips on Wedding Day Arrangements and Invitation

By YesPakistan Staff Writer
There are plenty of things to consider in wedding planning and arrangement. These are a few things which are either unknown or forgotten:
1. Invite the poor
According to one Hadith, the worst meal is the feast of a Walima in which rich people are invited and poor people are left out.
Don't let your Walima be a class-based affair. Make sure that all guests are welcome, regardless of their economic situation.
2. Invite a multiethnic audience
Make your wedding party more representative of the Ummah (the worldwide Muslim community) by inviting Muslims of different ethnic backgrounds, whether it's the local Imam and his family who are Turkish, the African-American Muslima who accepted Islam recently or the Lebanese family in your neighborhood.
3. Practice gender privacy at your wedding
This means providing women-only space where sisters who observe different levels and types of Hijab feel comfortable.
Most sisters like to dress up for a wedding, but they want to enjoy themselves without being watched by strange men. Also remember that your other guests have nothing to lose with this kind of set up so in the end, providing for women-only space works out for the best for everyone.
There are different ways to accommodate women-only space in a hall.

• You can have separate rooms for men and women. This is the ideal solution for maximum privacy.
• You can have a room in which there is a curtain or a row of tall plants
• In larger halls, you can make two distinct areas

If your family tradition is not to have weddings arranged in this way, consider this: you will Insha Allah (if Allah wills) receive Allah's blessings if you do so for seeking to accommodate your guests and trying to observe an Islamic practice which has been in place for about 1400 years.
In programs where women-only space is provided, children need to be divided up between parents. Older boys should stay with their dads. Older girls stay with mom. Young girls who are toilet trained can also go with dad.
It should also be remembered that professional camrapersons can violate the privacy of individuals by taking photos or videos without their consent. If you are taking photos or videos make sure not to include non-relatives or those who do not want their picture taken.
4. Set up a hospitality line
This is a line of hosts who will welcome guests when they arrive at the wedding.
Those who will be included in the hospitality line need to be told in advance that they will be part of it. They should not be told once they reach the hall for the wedding.
5. Have the hosts make rounds during dinner
When guests are digging into dinner, hosts should go around, making sure everyone has what they need and inviting those who are finished to take more.
6. Set the stage
It should be decided by the hall committee who will sit on stage at the wedding and exactly where. This has to be done carefully. The feelings of relatives and close family friends are important to consider when making decisions about this.
7. Make sure to set up a gift table
Where are you going to put all those goodies? Set up a specific gift table near the stage with a sign saying "Please put gifts here. Thank you."
8. Mind the bathrooms
Take into account how many guests are coming and see if the washrooms at the hall are big enough. If it's a large gathering, request hall administrators to have a cleaning person come in every half hour or so to clean up quickly in between.
Also, if one of the prayers occurs during the wedding, that means the washrooms will be used for Wudu (ablution before prayer). Ask the hall administrators to accommodate this by providing extra paper towels.
9. Avoid making unnecessary announcements
Avoid making unnecessary announcements of any sort during the program and keep the mike close by so children do not mess around with it.

[*Hala*]

Re: Shadi Tipz & Guidez ................................

11 Food Tips for Your Wedding

Food is the key element of almost any party, whether it's a wedding or any other social occasion.
For Muslim weddings, it is important to remember that a Walima is Sunnah, and food is normally served on this happy occasion. There are a couple of things you can do to ease the whole food situation.
1. Start planning a year ahead
You may think food is something that should only take a matter of months to plan. Not so.
You will need to book catering services or make arrangements for food at least a year in advance if you want things to work out in an efficient and organized way. There are a lot of details involved, so don't wait to the last minute!
2. Write down all the things involved in food preparation
This does not just include cooking the food. It involved getting servers to serve the food, deciding what kind of menu you want, how you want the food to look, etc.
Write down all of the tasks involved so you can get a clear picture of exactly what needs to be done.
3. Select a wedding food committee
This committee is responsible for taking care of all food arrangements for the wedding. It must work in consultation with you. You will make the main decisions, but they will take care of the details including booking caterers, getting servers, etc. Get a friend with experience in this field to be in charge of this committee. Make sure to give them our written list of thing things to do.
4. Establish a budget
How much should you really spend on wedding food? This can only be determined after careful research. If you've started planning on time and you've got your food committee in place, give them a deadline to get this information to you by (i.e. the cost of catering, servers, etc.).
Then once you have the options in front of you, you can decide how much you're willing to spend on food for the wedding.
5. Decide if you want to cook the meal yourself or cater
There are advantages and disadvantages to each option.
a. Cooking your own food:
advantages:

• you offer exactly the kind of food you know your guests will like.
• you could save more money
• you can offer your own personal touch to the menu

disadvantages:

• you will be taking on a lot of work with no professional staff to help.
• you must remember that cooking involves not just making the food, but ensuring that all utensils and wedding table paraphernalia are set up properly. You will also have to ask how the food is going to be served.

b. Catering
advantages:

• you have one less burden to worry about-caterers usually take care of all details related to preparing the meal, utensils, etc. but ASK first.
• catering can lend a more professional look to your wedding.
• they may have special arrangements to keep food warm until it is served to guests.

disadvantages:

• it can be expensive
• you are usually restricted to the menus the caterers are offering you.

6. "Fats, oils & sweets USE SPARINGLY!"
This was the title of a section of the food pyramid guide which is used to teach about good nutrition.
If you can cut back on these things in the wedding menu for the benefit of ALL guests (those with heart conditions, diabetes, etc. and those who don't have these problems) you will be doing everyone a favor.
For instance, for meat, try using lean meat in dishes. You can reduce oil in rice and other dishes.
For dessert, instead of going for traditional desserts which may be dripping with syrupy sweet goo, or full of fattening cream (i.e. most wedding cakes) consider servings of fresh fruit. This is a really good option in summer, especially.
7. If you're catering make sure they will allow you to use your own meat
This is important for those Muslims conscious about eating Zabiha meat. Make sure that you have the option of providing meat to the caterers for you meal. If not, consider switching to another caterer.
8. Ensure the food will be warm when it is served
What could be more disappointing than cold, unappetizing wedding food?
There are different ways of getting around this problem. If you decide to get the wedding food catered, discuss this issue with the caterers and see what solution they propose. Some places may arrange for burners to keep the food warm throughout the wedding. Others may have other arrangements.
If you are cooking yourself, you can also look into renting burners for this purpose, but check with the wedding hall administrators to ensure they don't have any restrictions about this (they may say no to burners if they feel it is a fire hazard to have them there).
If burners are not an option, another way of getting around this dilemma is to ensure the hall you book has an oven and microwave, preferably more than one. That way food can be warmed in time for the meal. The drawback of this approach though is that it will take a lot of manpower and an efficient way of warming the food in time.
9. Diversify your menu
Should you serve a traditional Middle Eastern, Pakistani, Malaysian, or American menu?
Living in a country that's a "melting pot" gives you the advantage of serving guests food of different ethno-cutural backgrounds.
Even if the bride and the groom are of the same cultural background, it should be remembered that not all of the guests may be. Also, kids today may be of different cultural backgrounds, but when it comes to food, hamburgers, pizza and french fries, for instance, are favorites across the board.
You don't have to have an entirely Turkish or Pakistani menu. You can have the main meal of one ethnic background and the dessert of another.
Also, don't forget people to take into account the needs of those with certain diet restrictions. Can you offer a sugar free dessert for the benefit of guests who have diabetes? Can you cut back on lots of rich, fatty food for the benefit of everyone, especially the heart patients among your guests?
10. Decide how the food is going to be served
You may not think this is a big deal, but there are different ways that caterers arrange for food at weddings and other such occasions to be served. These include the following:

• American service: individual plates are prepared and hand-delivered to guests. You will need lots of organized servers for this to work properly and efficiently.
• Buffet style: Long tables of food are set up and guests serve themselves. This is actually an option that can save you money because fewer servers are necessary. Also, less food is wasted by serving this way, since guests take only as much as they want, instead of being stuck with a present portion.
• Family style: in this setup, large platters of food are brought to each table and people help themselves. This can be helpful if you have families coming, but it will obviously require servers, which will cost more money.

11. Take into account clean up
When you're booking caterers, make sure they are willing to take care of cleanup as well. Otherwise, you and your family and friends may have to end up washing dishes on the wedding day when you've got a whole bunch of other things to worry about.

[*Hala*]

Re: Shadi Tipz & Guidez ................................

13 Tips on How to Start Your Wedding on Time

Ever heard of a Pakistani wedding that was scheduled for 8 p.m. but started at 10 p.m.?
Unfortunately, most of us have heard of this or witnessed such disasters.
In traditionally Muslim societies like in the Middle East and in the Indian subcontinent, weddings are long, drawn out and relaxed affairs.
But in time-pressured North America, most Muslims don't have this luxury. Halls and caterers, for instance, are rented or hired for very specific time periods that must be respected. This is why it's necessary for everyone involved, the bride, the groom, their families and guests, to come on time.
Having a wedding take place on time isn't easy, given all of the details and stress involved. But it isn't impossible. Below are some tips that can help, Insha Allah (if Allah wills):
1. Develop a reputation of being a punctual person
Why are people rarely ever late to Mr. Waheed's house or to his parties?
It's because he's a punctual person, and people, even the latecomers know, they'll miss dinner if they don't show up on time.
There are probably at least a few Mr. Waheed-type of Muslims in your community. Because of their commitment to punctuality, most people try to come on time to their events.
If you're not a punctual person, start applying this Islamic principle in your personal life today, and expect the same from others. This will in turn lead them to making an effort to come to your social events, and your wedding, on time, Insha Allah.
2. Don't abuse the word Insha Allah (if God wills it)
How do Muslims abuse the word Insha Allah?
By saying it right after promising to do something they have no intention of doing. For example, 'yeah I'll be at the wedding at 6 p.m. sharp, Insha Allah'.
Actually, by using the word Insha Allah, a person is promising to do their best to fulfill a promise. So in the above-mentioned case, that means a person will carefully plan, taking into account traffic time, to get to the wedding by 6 p.m. sharp. If on the way, something happens, despite their best laid plans, that's another story. What's important is that they have done their part in promising to come on time.
3. Make it clear on the wedding invitation that things will start on time
What do the words "the Nikah will take place at 6:00 p.m. SHARP" really mean?
SHARP is another way of saying "it's going to happen then, no matter what, so you'd better show up on time".Too often, guests assume that since the bride and groom will arrive late, they can arrive late too.
Or the bride and groom and their respective parties assume that since the guests are going to arrive late, they should too. Putting the word "SHARP" should dispel such a notion.
It's not really a threat, just a "warning". Make sure the wedding invitations use this five-letter word clearly.
4. Follow the RSVP system
What does this four-letter word mean?
Essentially, it's asking guests to let the hosts know by a specific date whether or not they will be coming. For weddings, this is important because it affects the food situation. If people decide not to come, hosts can reduce the food order and save money and food from being wasted.
Call up or e-mail people who have not responded to the RSVP according to the deadline. Ask them if they are coming or not politely.
Doing this will show that you are serious about the wedding day running smoothly and efficiently. It may give an early hint to some guests at least that if this host is so serious about the RSVP, then they will probably be pretty serious about running the event on time.
5. Make sure to have substitutes
You've heard of substitute teachers but have you heard of substitute Imams?
As much as possible, try to have a back up plan. So assign two people to be Imams who will officiate the marriage, making it clear that if one doesn't show up or there is an emergency, the other can replace him and the program can continue on time, smoothly.
Do the same for the person who is to recite the Quran, as well as those who will be transporting food to the hall.
6. Regularly remind the main parties about punctuality
Can a wedding start if the bride, groom or their immediate family are not present?
It can but it's not desirable. Make sure ALL parties directly involved in the wedding are reminded that they must be at the hall at the latest one hour BEFORE the time the guests arrive.
Reminding them beforehand, with phone calls, e-mails, etc. will help them make the necessary preparations (i.e. clothes, makeup, etc.) early enough so they show up on time, Insha Allah.
Remember, if the groom and bride are late and the Nikah is delayed, everything else on that day will be delayed.
7. Arrange for bride and groom preparation at the hall
Could a bride and groom be late to their wedding if they got ready in the same hall where the ceremony is to be held?
Probably not. See if you can get the clothes and makeup artist to show up at the hall two to three hours before (and make sure the hall is open for you at that time!). This will drastically cut the last minute rush that occurs and can result in delays of the bride and groom's arrival at the wedding.
8. Call guests one to two weeks before about the wedding
A phone call or e-mail reminding guests about the exact date and time of the wedding will help them mentally start preparing for the wedding. Emphasize the importance of being at the event on time without nagging them about it.
9. Emphasize the prayer
If the time for Maghrib prayer, for instance, occurs right after the Nikah, try to use this as a way to encourage guests to show up on time.
You can tell them that in order to make sure Maghrib is offered on time and in congregation, everyone should try to be at the Nikah when it starts, so they don't miss it or Maghrib.
10. Offer to arrange for transportation
Sounds kind of weird?
Well, if you call up your guests and ask if they have transportation that will get them to the hall on time, they may think you're strange, but they will take your desire to start things on time seriously. Give it a shot. What have you got to lose?
11. Make sure all set up of the hall is done at the most one hour before the wedding is scheduled to start
What could be more embarrassing than to come to a wedding only to find that tables and chairs are still being set up?
Make sure that everything is ready and set to go at the time guests have been invited to come. Otherwise, everything else at the wedding is almost sure to be delayed.
12. Arrange a simultaneous program for kids that starts exactly on time
Who has a harder time being punctual than families with kids?
After all, it takes time to dress and prepare little ones for a big event like a wedding. And let's not forget emergencies (i.e. junior throwing up at the last minute).
One way to encourage families with kids to come on time is to arrange a simultaneous program for kids at the wedding which will start at the same time the wedding is scheduled to.

It doesn't have to be anything fancy. It can just be some hired baby-sitters who can play beanbag games with them or a puppet show. Be creative!
Offer a special treat of toys or candies for the first 25 kids who come on time.
This kind of a program may encourage young kids to push their parents to come on time to the wedding.
13. Make Dua for things to go on time
All power is only with Allah. That means you have your part to play in trying to make sure things happen on time, but results are in the hands of Allah.
By making Dua, you are expressing an intention and commitment to a goal. On top of that, you're asking the One Who can make anything and everything happen if He wills. Don't forget this important act in your drive to make your wedding happen on time.

[*Hala*]

Re: Shadi Tipz & Guidez ................................

14 tips on how to deal with wedding stress

While weddings are supposed to be joyous events that bring families together, they are also a major source of stress!
Getting things started on time, making sure no detail is missed, ensuring everyone is properly dressed and on their best behavior: these are just some of the hassles and difficulties involved in getting ready for a wedding.
Here are some tips that can help you deal with pre-wedding stress:
1. Remember to say "Aoutho billahi minash Shaytan ir Rajeem" (I seek refuge in Allah from the accursed Shaytan)
What could be better? Remembering Allah when you're about to blow your stack will Insha Allah (if Allah wills) help you calm down. Repeat it as often as necessary.
2. Establish a system of Shura (consultation)
Who should suggest where the wedding should take place? Who makes the final decisions in the event of a deadlock?
Decide on a system of consultation where ideally everyone has input into how things will be run. Also decide who has the final say. This will reduce tension and stress.
3. Decide wedding groundrules and conditions
How will proper Hijab be maintained at the wedding reception? How will the food be served? How will prayer be accommodated during the event?
These are crucial issues that must be dealt with right from the start. Once they have been discussed and agreed upon, that's one less source of tension and conflict to deal with.
4. Delegate and divide up tasks
Who will take care of the menu and calling the caterers? Who will book the hall?
Don't dump the entire responsibility for the wedding on just one or two people. Get as many responsible people involved as possible. Then let them do their job and don't meddle unless there is a big problem. If this is done properly, people will be more calm and less stressed.
5. Remind yourself that this is the last time you will be together with your family in a long time
Who wants to leave behind memories of fights, tears and hurt feelings?
It's better to leave on a good note instead of a sour one, especially if you are moving to another city or country. This also means making the most of whatever time you have left with your parents and brothers and sisters. If the stress of the wedding is making you snap at parents or siblings, try to use tip number one above, and learn to grin and bear the tension as much as possible.
6. Take everyone away from the scene
Is your home environment developing into an explosion waiting to happen?
If things are getting stressful and hectic at home, see if you can arrange a one or two-day getaway with the family where no one talks about the wedding plans, they just have fun. Insha Allah, everyone will come back more refreshed and hopefully, less stressed. If one day is too long, consider devoting an afternoon or evening away from the pre-wedding scene.
7. Get away yourself
Can't take the whole family away for a few hours, let alone a day?
Then consider taking an afternoon away from everyone. But don't go furiously banging out the door in anger and/or frustration. Make sure to let parents know where you're going so they're not worried. Go to the mosque, library, Islamic center, for a drive, or anywhere Halal that can help you relax and take a break from the stressful environment.
8. Avoid arguing over petty things
How should spoons and forks be set up? What color should tablecloths be at the Walima?
When it comes to weddings, the emotionally tense environment can lead people to make mountains out of molehills. How spoons and forks are placed on tables may never have mattered before, but they may become a hot topic of debate between parents and the bride/groom-to-be.
Try to avoid arguing over petty things. Remember that it's better to have a simpler wedding and that in the end, it's not the minute details of your Walima that will really make your marriage or your relationship with your family members successful.
9. Remember the intention behind the tension
Why is your mother insisting you wear that horrid dress on your wedding day? Why is your father insisting on you getting to the hall on the day of the Walima by taking the most complicated route?
It's not because they're your worst enemies. It's because they love you and want what's the best for you. Reminding yourself of the intention behind the source of conflict will help you realize that while you are getting stressed over the disagreements over certain issues pertaining to the wedding, behind that disagreement there is love and concern. Your family, especially your parents, want what's best for you and that's what motivating them.
On the actual wedding day:
10. Begin by remembering Allah
Did you ever have one of those days when virtually everything seemed to be difficult until the end?
Don't let your wedding day be one of these days. Start off the day right by thanking Allah at Fajr prayer (the prayer before sunrise) for allowing you to make it this far on this journey of life. Follow this up by reciting Quran aloud.
Make this Dua (supplication) after Fajr and Maghrib (the prayer after sunset) prayers: Bismillahillazi la yadurro ma ismihi shaiun fil arde wa la fis samae. WA hoal aliul azeem.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) used to say this Dua at these times. Its translation is: "I begin with Allah's name, with Whose blessings nothing can harm on the earth or in the heavens. He is the the Highest and the Greatest."
11. Go for a walk
This preferably should be in the morning, before others are awake. It will give you time to clear your head and mentally prepare for the day ahead. Follow this up with a deep shower.
12. For extreme stress
If you are really stressed out, say this Dua: Ya hayyio Ya Qayyum, be rehmatika astaghiso. The translation of this is "I beg for Your mercy, Ya Allah, the Living, the Everlasting Manager of the world."
13. Write it all down
Is your mind racing, thinking of all the things you have to do on this day?
Then it's time to empty it responsibly. Make a detailed to do list. This will ensure you have a record of what needs to be done without making you feel more stressed.
14. You are not alone
Are you the only person to ever get married or organize a wedding?
Of course not! Remember that billions of human beings in the past have done this. You are not alone. Take comfort in the fact that those butterflies in your stomach have flown in the insides of generations upon generations of individuals before you.

[*Hala*]

Re: Shadi Tipz & Guidez ................................

A Short Wedding Checklist

By YesPakistan.com Staff Writer
Use this checklist to make sure that you've got at least the very basics of planning a wedding covered before you take the leap to marriage!
1. Have the bride and groom agreed to....
There are a number of issues that the bride, the groom and their families need to have discussed and agreed to beforehand to ensure that things can move forward before any formal preparations begin. They are:

• the date and time: day and month are important, but time is also very important. It can affect menu - will you serve guests a post-breakfast brunch, lunch or dinner? When discussing the time of the event, figure out which prayers will occur during the ceremony and how they will be accommodated at the hall
• the location: which city and country should the ceremony be held in? Which hall?
• the Imam who will officiate the marriage
• the Mahr: this can be one of the most contentious issues. Engagements have been broken over this issue that's why it's important to discuss it first thing in a clear and respectful way
• the conditions of the marriage contract: this is another issue which can spell disaster if the couple has not discussed it beforehand
• who the wedding coordinator is (this is the person who is the overall in charge of the wedding and should ideally be a parent who is older, Islamically grounded, wiser and experienced in planning weddings)
• the marriage groundrules: will you have a formal or informal wedding? How will you ensure men and women have their own spaces at the hall? How will you ensure only Halal entertainment is provided for guests?
• a preliminary guest list

2. Shariah, legal, and immigration requirements
This should be one of the first things taken care of. Some important items are:

• if the couple is going to have a prenuptial agreement, all of the details of this, as well as getting it written up and notarized must be done as soon as possible
• if the couple are living in two different countries, all immigration issues must be inquired about and the process must begin immediately. In some cases marriage suffers because of absence of information regarding immigration laws
• find out what state requirements are for married couples. For instance, how soon in advance do they have to get a marriage license before the wedding and do they need a blood test before the marriage?

3. Budget
Establishing the budget will provide a general framework for planning the other aspects of the wedding. Some things to consider:

• remember that Islamically, the best wedding is a simple one
• money should be geared towards the basics: food, hall, the bride and groom's clothing and accessory needs and the program. Other things are usually just extras
• you can be flexible even in what's necessary. You don't need to buy or rent what's in style or the fanciest or do whatever your friends are doing

4. The hall

• it should be able to fit all expected guests
• it should be available at the right date and time
• it should be in a location convenient for all guests
• it should be near reasonably priced motels and hotels for the ease of guests coming from out of town
• it should either offer appropriate catering or be willing to work in cooperation with the caterers

5. Food
Here's what you should look out for:

• if you are going for a catered affair, make sure the caterer can prepare Halal food (i.e. can you provide the meat?)
• find out if the caterers are also providing you with plates and utensils
• make sure to sign a written contract stipulating the exact costs, for exactly which items and any other conditions and specifications you want
• food will be served or it will be a buffet
• make sure the caterers or those who are making the food (if you're not catering) will be able to keep the food warm

6. Program
Take this into consideration when planning your wedding program:

• get one person to be in charge of the program
• plan properly how you wil ensure everything happens on time
• the program should incorporate the Imam's role in officiating the marriage

7. Ummah considerations

• invite Muslims from other ethnic groups
• invite non Muslim neighbors and collegues
• spice and oil levels in food should be acceptable to all
• make extra efforts to invite and host poor people
• if part of ceremonies are cultural, then explain to guests who may think these are Islamic
• use a language in the program which all understand. If a bit or two are in another language, please translate
  this event could be dawa event
  

[kutkutariyaan]

Re: Shadi Tipz & Guidez ................................

[Sky angel]

Re: Shadi Tipz & Guidez ................................

aaaaaa ina kuch parhny mai hi ina time lag jana hai:think: